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It Doesn't Have to MEAN Anything...

A few weeks ago I didn’t have the capacity for a self-tape. Right before I was going to record, my son had a full-on meltdown because I set a limit. After what felt like an eternity of trying to help him manage his “big” emotions, I then tried to roll right into my audition. Guess how well that went?


I couldn’t do the scene. I kept messing up. I wasn’t all there. I didn’t even want to be.


I put it down, intending to record later, but I just couldn’t find it in myself to do it. I was exhausted from the day, the week, the month, the year. I just didn’t have the emotional or physical bandwidth for the work. I emailed my agent and declined the audition.


And as I did, ALLLLLLL the stories flooded my mind:


“If you were a REAL actor, you’d be able get this done.”

“You must not REALLY want this career.”

“If you can’t turn in THIS tape, you should probably just quit all together.”


Believe me, I considered it.


But then, thankfully, I became aware of a calmer, steadier, inner knowing.


“This doesn’t mean anything about you as an actor.”


Buhwah?


“This doesn’t mean anything about you as an actor.”


Really?


“Yes.”


Are you su—?


“YES!”


Oh.


And just like, the truth set me free.


So, my fellow humans, I put it to you: Are you making a negative, self-critical meaning out of something that is actually meaningless? Are you letting something meaningless devalue you or your worth?


Those stories do not serve us. Let’s rewrite them.


Oh, and in case you’re wondering, my agent was fine with my decision AND last week that same show sent me another self tape request. So yeah, my “no” in the moment literally meant nothing and didn’t “derail” my career at all. 🤗


See? We need to stop telling ourselves stories with meanings that harm us. ❤️


[Note: this video is an outtake from a different audition, because you better believe I deleted my “meltdown” one immediately 🤣]


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