I am no longer taking action in my career from a place of “should” or fear. I am only taking action from a place of joy and inspiration.
I have been so close to quitting acting this year. So. Close. And then softly, slowly, a knowing started to emerge within me: “I don’t want to quit acting. I want to quit ‘the hustle’.”
You know “the hustle”...work harder, work smarter, work longer, never take a trip, be a local hire in every city, get better headshots, a better reel, a better agent, do VO, do theatre, do improv, network, workshop, blog, podcast, producer a web series, all while consistently posting pithy, delightful witticisms on social media OTHERWISE...you don’t really want it bad enough to be considered a “real” actor.
I’m exhausted just *thinking* of all the possible things I could do (and have done) in service of furthering my career. And yes, I’ve done most (if not all) of the things on that list. And for what? Sure, some of it was fun along the way, but what I’ve come to realize is that for most of my career I was taking all that action from a place of fear. Even the fun stuff.
Fear that I wasn’t good enough, fear that I was bothering people, fear that people would forget me. The hustle was keeping me small. The hustle was sucking the joy and wonder out of something that once only held joy and wonder for me.
I have been so terrified to show up “wrong” in the business that I’ve been showing up wrong for myself this whole time.
Hence forth, the only actions I will take for my career will arise from pure, genuine inspiration gained from more time spent dreaming the dreams I dreamt when all that called me was the craft and I knew nothing of the business. I know enough business. I can navigate the business. I want to get back to the pull of the dream rather than the push of the business.
I officially quit “the hustle.”
(Someone give me a mic to drop.)